Dating Your Polar Opposite vs. Another Version of You…Which Is the Perfect Match?
You like the same movies, you listen to the same music. The first time you met felt like the fiftieth. You finish each other’s sentences. You almost never fight.
You yell at each other over whose turn it is to do the dishes, you show up at each other’s work with flowers to beg for another chance. The first time you kissed, you felt like you were on fire. You blow each other’s phones up with psychotic messages and voicemails when the other isn’t answering.
You go on family trips together. You buy a pet together. Your friends refer to you as one hybrid name of both of yours combined, a “couple’s” name. You hold hands over the table at dinner.
You get in trouble together. Your friends can’t remember whether you’re “together” or “done forever.” Your family would kill you if they found out.
One of the oldest questions out there is about dating: is it better to find someone who’s exactly like you, or the complete opposite? We all want to find someone with common interests, but we also want to find someone we can have that wild, thrilling, Sid and Nancy relationship with because let’s face it—deep down, we all thrive on the drama.
There’s no denying that each type of relationship has its perks. It’s great to feel loved and appreciated for who you are—to feel like you’re in a relationship with your best friend. You feel safe, trusting, like you have someone understanding in your corner at all times.
Sometimes, it’s even better to feel lusted after and desired and like you’re driving someone literally insane with your love. As sick as it is, it’s great to feel validated by a someone spontaneously showing up at your house in tears, begging for another chance, telling you they made a mistake in leaving.
The thing is, people always say how “sick” it is to be in a relationship like that. If you’re with someone you always clash with you must have low self-esteem, daddy issues, a need for attention and/or chaos.
I disagree with this. I don’t see what’s so sick about being the type of person who needs excitement, who doesn’t conform to the stereotypical “relationship” dichotomy. Sometimes, it’s just better to yell and scream for your love. It’s a reminder of how powerful feelings can be, how much control they can have over you. And sometimes, that reminder is a beautiful thing.
However, ultimately there’s no denying the benefit of an “easy” relationship. The kind that doesn’t feel like it needs any work. The kind where you’re so close to one another, people ask you if you’re related.
So what’s the ideal relationship? As much as I’d love to say it’s the one with all the conflict (because let’s face it, I loooooove the drama), it’s actually a hybrid of both.
Surprise, surprise, right? But really, it’s true. I’ve had multiple experiences in both types of relationships, and the select few that actually thrived and left an imprint on who I am were the ones where I felt comfortable, understood, loved, and a little insane.
When looking for that perfect person, you’re not going to find it. You’re going to fight, you’re going to get hurt, but if it’s right, you’re also going to feel a tremendous amount of love and acceptance.
You’re going to feel like you can tell them your deepest, darkest, weirdest secrets and they’re not going to judge you one bit. You’re going to feel like you can go to them on your lowest day and you know they’ll be there to get through the pain with you.
It’s also good to feel like you might lose them sometimes, because it reminds you of what you have. It reminds you whether or not it’s worth it through the heartache, the sadness, the doubt. But you have to have that base of trust and comfort, otherwise it’s not a healthy fit.
So now it’s your turn to talk back—in your experience, was it better to date someone exactly like you, completely different, or a combination?
The beauty of life is that we all have these wildly different experiences that shape us as humans. Sometimes we try really hard to make a wrong thing work, and other times we give up on something amazing because we’re too scared to let ourselves feel something so powerful.
Personally, I’m done being too afraid to experience life. Whether I end up hurt or not, I’d rather dive in with both feet than stand back and watch everyone else live.