What To Be For Halloween

Hey Brainiacs,

It's almost that time of year!  Which means it's almost time for me to realize it's October 30, panic, and try to put together a costume from my pre-existing wardrobe (I usually end up something that no one understands or cares about).

To save you (and myself because let's face it, I care about that WAY more than you) from the embarrassment of cutting two eyes and a mouth in your bedsheets and calling it a day, here are some relevant costume ideas for all of us to start considering:

1. Donald Trump

Even though most of the country claims to hate him, we still end up talking about this guy almost every single day.  Why not slap on some orange face paint, sprinkle a few yellow feathers on your head, and sexually harass your female friends for the day?

2. Oprah

This is only going to work if you're willing to commit to a large hairstyle and passing out lavish presents to everyone you cross paths with.  

3. When In Doubt, Make it Hoe

Every female knows this reality.  Don't know what to be?  Slutty bunny.  Slutty cat.  Slutty nurse.  Slutty Donald Trump. Slutty Oprah.  Slutty Me.

4. Witch

I'm not sure why, but I've always found the witch costume to be one of the most appealing.  It's classic Halloween, everyone knows who you are, who doesn't look good in black, and you can cast spells on people you don't like (although that probably wouldn't actually work).

5. Eleven from Stranger Things

Who wouldn't want to emulate this badass little girl? It's a simple enough costume--just get a pale pink dress and pair it with a light blue jacket, some white ankle socks, and white Keds.  If you really want to commit, shave your head (do it.  Shave your head).

6. Madonna

Another CLASSIC!! Slap on some white gloves, bad hair, excessive costume jewelry and a belt.  Hair not blonde enough?  Good, because this also works as Michael Jackson.

7. North West

Because this baby is basically already hotter than any of us can hope to be, so why not pretend to live her life for one day?  This is probably the happiest you will ever be

8. A Random Object

Unsure of who to be?  Don't be anyone, be anyTHING!  You won't be seen as a physically attractive human being and you'll probably be sweating your ass off all night, but at least people will laugh at you.

9. What Not To Do: Go As Your Occupation

I'm sorry, but if you just put on your work uniform and say that's what you "are" for Halloween, you suck.  You have no imagination.  You bore me.  You shouldn't leave your house.

10. ME

I will pay good money for someone to go as me!  What would you even do?  Put on a skeleton costume and pretend you're me circa one year ago?  Insult people all day?  Wear a mask with a huge forehead?  I won't actually pay you any money at all, but I'd like to hear what you'd do.

Am I missing any great costume ideas?  Talk about it!  Leave a comment.




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